I had a manager

A quick story

I once worked with a manager, let's call her Amy. Amy wasn't doing work she could be particularly proud of. She liked to micromanage people, and her presence made the team feel tense. When a colleague proactively handled a task they weren't assigned to, Amy would be annoyed and ask why they had done it without her approval. She also didn't like sharing the feeling of success with colleagues she considered less valuable. When a team achieved a milestone, she would feel that only she deserved thanks for that because she guided the team towards victory, but deep down, she wasn't particularly happy or fulfilled.

Some time after parting ways with the company Amy worked for, I worked with another manager, let's call her Sarah. Unlike Amy, Sarah did work she could genuinely be proud of—and she was. Most of the time, I didn't even feel that Sarah was there. She never interfered with the team's work; instead, she made sure everything was right. Sarah did lots of background work which allowed developers to focus on important things. When someone did well, Sarah celebrated them and made sure everyone else saw this person's success. When someone was down, Sarah made sure to bring them back up, without judgement, without pressure or punishments. Sarah is a true hero.

Good manager, bad manager

Throughout my career, I've had several managers whom I've worked with. Some of them I remember fondly; others, not so much. The ones I remember fondly are the ones I consider good managers. These are the people I enjoyed working with: people who helped me become a better developer, celebrated every win, and knew when and how to tell me I was wrong.

Good managers are stronger than their egos. They are well aware of the impact they have, but at the same time, they understand that they would be nothing without their team. They are confident in their skills and humble at the same time. This is something Amy struggled with, her pride got in the way and led her to make bad decisions, ultimately slowing the team down and making everyone unhappy. Sarah had no problem with this. She didn't think too highly of herself; she stayed grounded and thus had a huge positive impact on the team.

A good manager also possesses a skill I deem very important for anyone in a position with lots of responsibility: the ability to control their emotions and make clear-headed judgements. If you are a manager, you have to be aware of the fact that the team you are managing would probably do just fine if you were never there. Every good developer should be able to function and make correct decisions by themselves, every good team should be able to ship a product without a manager. That's a fact you have to accept and make peace with.

That may have sounded harsh, but in fact, it is liberating once you understand it. You are not integral to achieving a project's milestones, but neither is anybody else. Every manager, developer, QA engineer, or whoever is replaceable. Your role on a project is different: you are there to be a force multiplier. Sarah understood this, which allowed her to be such a good teammate. She respected every teammate and treated all of them as peers. In return, they respected her, which helped build a healthy team dynamic—and a healthy team can do wonders.

While it's true that a team can survive without a manager, a manager who does their job well is a team's North Star. Do not try to micromanage people. You don't need to know every detail of someone's workday, nor do you need to refine every user story to your liking. Whenever one of her teammates tried to make a product decision, Amy would shut them down and demand that she make the call instead. She micromanaged everything because she felt lost otherwise. On the other hand, you do need to be able to understand people. When someone's output is down, don't judge. You should be able to evaluate whether they need help, a kind word, or maybe they just need to be allowed to be unproductive for a brief period. Most importantly, you have to trust and value your colleagues. You need to understand that they are your allies. When a teammate felt bad about their poor performance, Sarah would ask them if they needed a hand or simply say, "It's perfectly fine. We all have bad days. You're doing great!" This simple gesture was often enough to make someone feel better and, in turn, help them get back up to speed.